(This is inspired by some talk in TLTE)

If you look at some of the great creative forces in history you can take one look at their sex life and see what has inspired them to greatness, and what potentially would have made them mediocre men.

Van Gogh cut his ear off and sent it to a prostitute; he was sent to a mental asylum where he painted Starry Night. What if the woman loved him and instead of cutting his ear off he got a sensible job & settled down?

And what of Poe? What if his 13 year old bride did not perish?

Where would existentialism & Christian existentialism at that be if Soren Kierkegaard did not break off his engagement with the love of his life, Regine Olsen? Would he have wrote about despair, or would he have gotten a lackluster job and spent his days trying to find new ways to rub his boner against his wife in public without drawing attention?

Let's not even get started on Beethoven or St. Augustine.

I think all great people have some sort of great struggle in their lives; as a person who is from a free, democratic nation with a thriving economy, I do not have the luxury of a 'struggle' being handed to me on a plate.

I am in the 'danger zone' for mediocrity & pastoral bliss. I could easily become happily married. I would never know if I had something great to offer the world because I would be too busy going to parent-teacher conferences and making sure that Your Local Business has enough of Their Local Product to satisfy Your Consumer Needs.

I'd be the pudgy, cheerful middle class guy that sent you Christmas cards from Holidays in the sun updating you that Child A is superior for their age in the field of piano & mathematics and that Child B is still into their youth soccer team. I'd even put my dogs in sweaters in the picture because, we all confess, animals wearing people clothes warms the heart:

[img]https://www.peoplepets.com/images/001409313.jpg[/img]

'Partying with Verv' would go from passport urination punk rock alcohol indulgence to... "Oh jeez, Verv is sooo crazy. Last night he got a little tipsy and he confessed he once ate a bowl of dog soup! He even used the Lord's name in vain in reference to our local sports team and his wife was so embarrassed!"

When I got heavily tattoo'd part of the idea was to be enslaved to my freedom; that somehow, this would prevent me from mediocrity. I quickly found out that long sleeve shirts cancel out this effect and also succeed in making summer a particularly miserable time of the year to go to work.

I guess at this venue I can only say that I must be careful with how I choose to play my cards. I am 26 and others my age are entering their career fields and wrapping up their loose ends; they are beginning their search for modern day, comfortable living. I would be a liar if I said that my mind was closed to the idea of 'meeting [i]the one.[/i]'

I guess we just have to promise ourselves that we will never allow a certain corner of passion in our hearts be jeopardized, and that even if we end up working our sensible jobs with our sensible families there is always a small portion of our hard drives dedicated to a [i]higher purpose.[/i]

I've decided I cannot marry someone who would demand me to spend time away from the boys & the band & didn't allow me to sit in front of the computer an hour a day letting shit-garbage-piss flow from my fingertips to the anglophone's internet.

I would no longer be Verv if I did not have a few nights a week cleaning out the stuffiness of the mind with some alcohol, nor would I be Verv if I was not working on some form of extreme music with other social miscreants.

I could accept that perhaps, one day, I'll no longer desire to do the above, but it must be on my own terms and in a relationship where no pressure exists for me to sacrifice these aspects of my person. I must always have enough time to clear the mind, play some tunes & do some creative writing.

It does not even matter if I really have no gift to give to the world like Kierkegaard or Beethoven; I drink, play & write for me. I just cannot bear the idea that something would somehow become sacrificed.